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[25 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Next? | 0 views]

Wow I’m honestly surprised at the amount of reads I’ve been getting and most of all the comments! Thank you guys so so much you seriously inspire me to blog everyday!I have to ask, dear readers, which story did you like better?A. What’s Left of MeB. Do…

What's Left of Me »

[25 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (25 B/ Finale) | 0 views]

Six months later,I sat in the living room of my family’s house and joined my sisters on one of their movie nights. I baked some brownies, with the help of Rosie, and arranged the seating to be a bit more “cinematic”. The living room was dim and there w…

What's Left of Me »

[24 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (25 A) | 0 views]

He chuckled. “Razzag,” I said. I was desperate to know what his secret was.He took in a deep breath before he looked around. “3ajbatni wa7da,” he said. And my heart was caught in my throat.”Ha?” I could only say. His eyes twinkled as he looke…

What's Left of Me »

[24 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (24) | 0 views]

The following day was different. I didn’t feel trapped anymore, I didn’t feel like I had no purpose. It felt like there was finally something to look forward to. I got another surprise visit from Razzag and Saad, and we had lunch together. Ra…

What's Left of Me »

[23 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (23) | 0 views]

Dedicated to JJ!***”Alu?” I heard his voice and I was, for once in my life, relieved.”Razzag?” I said. “3ndik shay?””May? Shfeech?” he asked. Was he actually concerned?”Razzag please ta3al ikhithni ma3ndi a7ad oo madri shga3d y9eer,” I said, sounding d…

What's Left of Me »

[23 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (22) | 0 views]

I eyed my reflection in the mirror. I hadn’t been to a gathering in so long that I forgot what I should be wearing. I wore a pair of dark high waisted loose pants with a beige blouse and heels. I curled my hair and left it flowing down my shoulder…

What's Left of Me »

[22 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (21) | 0 views]

Since the story is complete, would you like double posts everyday or one post per day?:) Dedicated to “Purple Acorn”, thanks for your advice and I still hope you’re reading!***I felt hungover the next morning. I’d somehow managed to fit the large …

What's Left of Me »

[22 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (20) | 0 views]

Dedicated to SF!:****”Wow pizza’s here already?” Hani joked and I rolled my eyes as I stood up from the couch.”Are you fine with me being here?” he asked as I approached the door.”Trust me at this point no one really cares,” I said as I turned the door…

What's Left of Me »

[21 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (19) | 0 views]

Dedicated to H! I LOVE your comments! ***Four months later,I had no life, only a routine. Wake up, have breakfast, go on my laptop, watch TV shows, lunch, shower, more tv shows with the occasional outing to buy necessities. I didn’t even go to col…

What's Left of Me »

[20 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (18) | 0 views]

Dedicated to Soso, thank you for your enthusiasm!:****I could only stare at the white wall in front of me as I tried to register what had happened.I was numb.I realized I lost everything.My family.My chance at graduating with honors if not at all.And m…

What's Left of Me »

[18 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (17) | 0 views]

Dedicated to Fofa, I love your comments!:****I walked into class with my head down. I didn’t give two shits what they thought of Razzag, I was worried about my own reputation that I worked so hard to improve, even if it seems like people still cared ab…

What's Left of Me »

[16 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (16) | 0 views]

Double post today because I couldn’t yesterday! Thanks for your comments and feedback:)**I couldn’t defend myself. Blood was boiling in my veins at what I was hearing.”Hatha 6ab3an ‘3air libsich jidami oo ‘3air the expected special treatment mini …

What's Left of Me »

[16 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (15) | 0 views]

We left the cinema, picked up dinner at McDonald’s and went back home at 11. Saad was ecstatic, and I was happy to see him happy again. If my mother knew we were still out she’d probably kick me out of the duwaniya, let alone who I was out with.Saad di…

What's Left of Me »

[14 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (14) | 0 views]

Hey guys,Small request but I’d appreciate actual feedback instead of “post al7een please/longer”. I don’t mean to sound rude (I’m very very grateful for your support, couldn’t ask for more!) bas those comments really make me nervous and I don’t wr…

What's Left of Me »

[13 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (13) | 0 views]

Who was she?Did my father have a second family I didn’t know about?I looked at the messages again and confirmed that my father did indeed have a second wife. No wonder he was so relaxed with our family and did whatever my mom told him to. He was more f…

What's Left of Me »

[12 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (12) | 0 views]

Sorry for the late post guys, busy busy week!***I took a deep breath before I spoke.”Razzag shlon ttwaqa3ni I can make it through oo you’re a different person ma3ay?””Gltlich fee farg bain personal oo profess-” he began saying that bullshit sentence.”P…

Everything Else, What's Left of Me »

[10 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (11) | 0 views]
I didn’t feel comfortable in my own house.

I wanted him gone but I knew I had no choice. I didn’t want Saad to take sides, I didn’t want to create any problems and I sure as hell wouldn’t want to piss off Razzag even more that it affects our “professional” relationship. I was cornered.

I barely got any sleep and woke up to the sound of Saad looking for his cereal and Razzag making his coffee. I didn’t want to see him so I just stayed in bed despite me wanting to see my nephew again.

I hated that I was jealous. I was jealous of Saad’s new and growing relationship with his uncle and thoughts of him loving and becoming attached to Razzag more than me made me sick. I was practically his mother, Razzag was taking my everything from me and that was the truth I had to live with.

After they were gone I got up and made me some breakfast. My class was cancelled so I had all day to do the assignment Razzag gave us, which was pretty hard. I needed to prove to him I did belong on the Dean’s List because I was smarter than he thought.

However, I couldn’t really focus and Razzag’s threats replayed themselves in my head. He was everywhere, I couldn’t even use my education and studying as an escape, and my brain craved for somethings I vowed I wouldn’t do or take again. And I gave in.

I went to my room and took the emergency stash of cigarettes I’d kept in my closet from the first day I moved into my new home. I didn’t know why I kept it, but I did.

I looked for the lighter in the kitchen and nostalgic sensations hit me with every drag and puff. I had last done it eight years ago, and it took just one person to trigger me to return to it.

Before I knew it the door began to unlock and my heart froze.

Rosie my maid walked in with a surprised look on her face, and I just gave her my back as I went to my room with the cigarette between my lips. I heard Rosie cough but I knew she wouldn’t say anything to my parents, she’d seen too much.

I flushed my cigarette down the toilet and looked at myself in the mirror, vowing to never do it again, only I knew it was a matter of when I would do it again.

I went back to the living room while Rosie cleaned my room and tried to do Razzag’s assignment but I just couldn’t. It was too complicated that I tried googling the assignment.

I hated that he was smarter than me.

Just when I’d put my pen down Razzag walked in and I began to sniff the air looking for any traces of my smoke, but Rosie had sprayed practically a whole bottle of fragrance in the duwaniya.

“Ma3ndich class?” he casually asked me; almost forgetting that he had threatened me no less than twelve hours ago.

“Cancelled,” I said.

I didn’t want to interract with him any further.

He sat in the living room and I, despising his presence, went back to my room and tried doing the assignment on my bed.

I knew I had no choice but to ask him. It took me all of my self control from staying on my bed to leave the room and face him.

“I need help ma3a the assignment,” I said. “Mani fahmita.”

“It’s clear,” he said as his eyes were fixed on his phone.

“Razzag please,” I begged.

“Laish mayeeteeni b my office hours?” he asked.

Was he serious?

“Umm,” I didn’t know how to reply.

“Oo it’s not fair to the other students itha sa3adtich al7een.”

I wanted to throw the assignment at him.

“Consider it chni m6arsha email.”

“Then send me an email,” he said, his eyes still on his phone.

“Are you serious?” I said.

“Ga3d a’67ak?” he said, his eyes finally met mine and a shiver ran down my spine.

I went back to my room, defeated. Why did he have to be like this?

/

I spent the rest of my day on the stupid assignment and the only times I took breaks were when I had lunch with Saad and when I tutored him. Razzag was at the office during lunch and I honestly couldn’t be happier, well I could but that wasn’t the point.

I didn’t send Razzag the email. Part of me felt like I should but I didn’t want to give in to one of his silly demands and let him have even more power over me than he already had.

It was almost midnight and I wasn’t even done with the assignment let alone did anything. The panic began to settle in and I remember his words in the office telling me that I needed to work hard to just pass the class.

My breathing became short and I found myself pacing around my room out of sheer panic. I knew he was in the living room as he usually was at midnight so I couldn’t take another smoke, which was to my benefit, fortunately. I pulled on some pants and a hoodie as I walked out with the paper which was almost melted from how long I’d been holding it.

“Mani gadra a7ila,” I said as I blocked his view from the TV.

“Mu mshklti,” he replied.

“Razzag please wallah tara ta3abt o ana afakr,” I said.

“Mu mshklti,” he said again.

I dropped the assignment on his lap and he looked at it in surprise.

“Mu ga3da agoulik it7la bas please explain.”

“Laish ma 6arashteli email nafs ma glt?” he asked, his expression cool. It was like he knew he had power over me and was abusing the privilege.

“L2anik jidami!” I nearly yelled. This was ridiculous.

“Gltlich it’s not fair to the other students.” Now he had morals?

I didn’t say anything. I knew he wouldn’t change his mind.

I stormed back to my room and took out a cigarette before going in to the bathroom to smoke it. I was so nervous about failing that I wanted to throw up. I wasn’t doing well in his class at all even if it was the first week, which also was supposed to be the easiest. I failed his quiz, and now the assignment, I didn’t know what was wrong with me.

Maybe it wasn’t me, maybe it was him.

/

I walked into class with the unsolved assignment. Everyone else had it done except for me. What was going on?

I took a seat and Razzag showed up minutes later and took attendance, with which we had to give our assignment.

“May Al-W” he said.

“Na3am,” I replied. I walked to the table with my empty assignment and placed it, but he gave it back to me.

I didn’t look him in the eyes as girls  wondered why he gave it back.

“So students was the assignment easy or difficult?” he said as I walked back to my seat.

“Easy,” the class said in unison.

He continued with the attendance and when we were done he began to solve the assignment.

I missed a trick in the question, which ruined everything. I hated how distracted I was I knew I could’ve solved it if I was really focused, but I wasn’t. I didn’t think anyone would be able to do the stupid assignment if they had been in my shoes.

He looked at me when he was done and I didn’t change my expression. I didn’t want to let him get the satisfaction of seeing me “defeated”.

I tried to pay attention to the rest of the lecture and even took the number of the girl sitting next to me for questions regarding the class. If only she knew I was living with the professor…

The class ended and students began to leave except for a couple of few who remained to ask questions. Once they were done and Razzag and I were practically alone I went to him and gave him my assignment.

“How can I make up for this and the quiz?”
I asked him.

He took a deep breath.

“May the midterm isn’t even as hard as these. I say since you’re already messing up that you drop the class and join next semester,” he said bluntly. I was stunned.

“Bas batkharaj,” I reminded him.

“Not my problem, sorry,” he said before he walked away.

I was standing in the middle of the empty lecture hall, stunned at what had happened. Was I really failing already?

I practically ran to my car and sped home before I went to my room and quickly took out a cigarette trying to gather my thoughts.

I couldn’t fail, I just couldn’t. I was going to talk to him today, see how exactly I could survive this course.

I reread the material and tried doing the assignment but it was too hard, again.
I wanted to cry. I wasn’t doing well in anything.

The door opened and I heard Saad call out for me, which made my day a little bit better. I got out of my room, after I’d showered quickly and brushed my teeth to get rid of the smell before joining him and Razzag for lunch.

“Shlon ilmadrisa?” I asked Saad and I placed some salad on my plate.

“Zaina,” he simply said. I couldn’t look at Razzag who was on his phone the whole time. What did he have on there?

I wished it was something pretty bad so I could blackmail him but I knew this kind of stuff would only happen on TV.

“Sa3oud yallah rou7 saw wajibatik warak training ilyom,” Razzag said to Saad, who was playing on his iPad after finishing his lunch.

Saad did what was ordered and left me and Razzag alone.

Of course I had to leave so I picked up my plate along with Saad’s and put them in the dishwashing machine. However I also knew this was my shot at discussing my grades with him.

“Razzag I need to talk to you 3an ilclass,” I began to say.

“Glt kl ili ilmafrou’6 agoulla” he said

“I know bas please wallah I’m really trying!”

“3ayal laish ilkl sawa the assignment ila intay? Laish ilkl yab a ten b the quiz ila intay?” he said.

I decided to give him the true answer.


What's Left of Me »

[8 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (10) | 0 views]

I looked back at him but he was paying me no attention and I walked to his office and waited in the semi-empty corridor. I waited for nearly fifteen minutes until he finally showed up with his folder in his hand. He unlocked his door, looked around as …

What's Left of Me »

[8 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (9) | 0 views]

The rest of the day was spent with Saad watching TV and ordering dinner mn bara (we didn’t mention McFlurry’s to Razzag, who’d been in his room the whole time).”May laish Khali Razzag may7bni?” he said as he took a bite of his fries.”Uhwa yzifik l2ana …

What's Left of Me »

[6 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (8) | 0 views]

I went to Saad’s room and found him trying to do his homework but I knew his mind wasn’t focused at all.He stood up and hugged me while crying.”Shnu sawait ‘3ala6?” he said.”Masawait shay, il’3ala6 mina uhwa,” I said as I kissed his forehead.”Tabi McFl…

What's Left of Me »

[5 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (7) | 0 views]

Sorry for the short posts, I promise to make them as long as I can xx**I picked up Saad from school before heading home. I didn’t tell him about Razzag, I felt like he might spill the beans or something to someone, I was already worried about him telli…

What's Left of Me »

[3 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (6) | 0 views]

The class ended rather quickly, or maybe I was too carried away with my thoughts that I didn’t pay attention.I could see girls trying to prove themselves to him from the first class, first impressions and everything. It was ridiculous. I could also tel…

What's Left of Me »

[1 Feb 2016 | Comments Off on What’s Left of Me (5) | 0 views]

I froze. I was basically half naked in my own living room in front of a stranger I had non stop arguments with.”Shtsawi hal 7aza bl ma6bakh?” I asked him in shock. I really hoped the dark was covering up what I was wearing.”Yo3an?” he said, as if it wa…